Sexuality: Expectations and Realities
Sometimes, sex is not exactly what you expected. It is a common misconception that sex is always natural and spontaneous. A quarter of people experience issues related to sexuality at some point.
You might be wondering if what you or your partner is doing is normal. You might not enjoy it, or it could be painful, making sex more of a burden than a pleasure. This can leave you feeling abnormal or inadequate.
A sexual problem often starts small but can grow into a significant source of conflict in a relationship.
Consulting a Sexologist: For Whom?
For most people, talking about sex is not easy. There is often a sense of shame and uncertainty. However, everything related to sex can be discussed without embarrassment with a sexologist. You can consult a sexologist for any questions about sex, if you have sexual problems preventing you from starting a relationship, or if sexual issues negatively impact your well-being and/or relationship.
Like other therapists, sexologists are bound by professional confidentiality. So if you don't tell anyone, no one will ever know. You don’t need to worry about what others might think.
What Issues Can Be Discussed?
There are many possible problems in one's sexual life. Not every sexologist can solve every issue. Knowledge and experience are needed to help people on their journey.
You can consult me for the following issues, whether for women or men individually, as well as for couples:
- Providing information
- Problems with
- Pain during or after intercourse
- Difficult, painful, or impossible penetration
- Reduced, different, or excessive sexual desire, or aversion
- Sexual arousal: erectile dysfunction, insufficient lubrication
- Orgasm problems: premature, absent, or difficult orgasms
- Sexual dissatisfaction
For issues such as gender identity problems, paraphilias (e.g., exhibitionism, fetishism, frotteurism, sexual masochism, or sadism), and pedophilia, I unfortunately cannot assist.
How Does a Consultation Work?
The initial sessions are exploratory. Besides discussing your issue, you will be asked to specify what you hope to achieve. “Healing” or “everything (back to) okay” does not have the same meaning for everyone.
In some cases, a physical examination may be necessary to rule out underlying medical causes. It may also be recommended that you undergo a specialized examination with another specialist (e.g., a dermatological, cardiological, urological, neurological examination, etc.).
A consultation lasts 45 minutes and usually consists of three parts:
- Providing targeted information
- Assigning specific exercises to do at home
- Discussing the home exercises
The chances of success depend on several conditions. The first and most important is that you start this process for yourself and not just for your partner. It is also important to be curious and to see it as a journey of discovery.
I am a member of
- VVS: Vlaamse Vereniging voor Seksuologie
- SSUB: Société des Sexologues Universitairs de Belgique
- ISSM: International Society for Sexual Medicine
- ESSM: European Society for Sexual Medicine
- ISVVD: International Society of Vulvovaginal Disease